when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
