I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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