Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
