I wanna passion pit in your ass
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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