I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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