A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
3 2 1 whiskey
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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