I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
