OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
