He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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