Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
