So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
