Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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