So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
