You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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