So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
