i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
