someone get that fucking seahorse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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