I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
