i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
