so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
