I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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