I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
