So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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