just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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