Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
