We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
