he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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