Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
