Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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