How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Farmville is her only friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
