Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
