she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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