I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
