I'm going to jail i love you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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