I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
