i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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