my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
