yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
