Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
