If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
