You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
