I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
