how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
