I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
