i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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