I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
