Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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