no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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