Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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