i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
