Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
