I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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