Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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