Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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