i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
