why didn't you poke me back
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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