I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
