end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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