You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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