I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
