We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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