my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
