I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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