We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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