She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
