Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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