his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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