Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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