Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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