I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
