I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
