I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
