My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
