we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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