Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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