Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
