I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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