One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.