dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit