i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.