think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.