Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.