dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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