i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
