don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
