Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
